“Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” Mark Twain
Forgiveness is the conscious act of releasing and surrendering a story which does not serve us. It is the letting go of a story between two or more souls and seeing the Go(o)d in the situation.
For every ailment you have, or any dissatisfaction you feel in your life, there is someone, somewhere you have not forgiven, which may also include yourself. Hatred and resentment fester in our minds and become physical manifestations in our body. Forgiveness alone can change the physical symptoms a person is experiencing and the lack they experience in their life. From money to health, forgiveness is a key that unlocks our wealth and abundance.
Forgiveness Does Not Discriminate
When it comes to forgiveness we generally believe we can simply forgive the people of our choosing or the ones we believe to be deserving of our forgiveness. However, forgiveness is not discriminatory. The true practice and art of forgiveness is to forgive anyone, or anything, who we feel have ever wronged us, hurt us, slighted us or that we have had ill will toward. In his book A Sure Remedy, Charles Fillmore, co-founder of the Unity movement, states the following:
“If you fear or if you are prejudiced against even an animal, mentally ask forgiveness of it and send it thoughts of love. If you have accused anyone of injustice, if you have discussed anyone unkindly, if you have criticized or gossiped about anyone, withdraw your words by asking him, in silence, to forgive you. If you have had a falling out with friends or relatives, if you are at law, or engaged in contention with anyone, do everything in your power to end the separation. See all things and all persons as they really are – pure Spirit- and send them your strongest thoughts of love.”
Forgiveness is not limited or subject to one’s approval. Forgiveness should be exercised with every living being, no matter how foul, unkind or sinful we believe them or their actions to be.
Why We Must Forgive the Ones Who Hurt Us the Most
Generally, when it comes to forgiveness we focus on medium size quarrels or resentments but never break the surface of the truly gruesome perpetrators. Many people feel that if they do not think of those people it means they have forgiven them. I have spoken to clients who believe that simply not thinking about a person they loath means they have forgiven them. This is ego tricking them out of doing the real deep work forgiveness requires. When we have truly and honestly forgiven someone, it means we genuinely wish the best for their soul. When we authentically forgive, we are seeing the other person as the Christ they are, rather than the human who has hurt us.
Forgiving the ones who have hurt us most can feel terrifying. We are content hating them because it is our egos insurance that we will be safe and will not put ourselves in similar situations again. By hating our parents, we believe we will be better parents to our children. By hating our exes, we believe it will keep us from attracting other bad relationships. By hating people who have abused us we believe we can keep ourselves safe from further abuse. On the contrary, it is our hate, fear, and resentment of others and the situations that persistently manifests similar situations. These situations and lessons are begging to be forgiven so they continuously appear in different shapes and forms until we finally forgive and let them go. We often feel victimized by this, wondering why negative circumstances continue to happen and feel like perhaps there is something fundamentally wrong with us. The Truth is that there is nothing wrong with you. You are not cursed nor deserving of misery. The reason we attract the same people and situations is because our soul is begging us to let it go. Our higher consciousness is consistently working in our favor and itching to heal all that which seeks to be healed. Our soul wants to create powerful, loving circumstances but we are too clouded with hate and judgement to allow this. The larger the resentment the more positive we keep from ourselves.
Empathy for the Devil
One of the most useful and profound keys to healing is empathy. The definition of empathy is: the psychological identification with or vicarious experiencing of the feelings, thoughts, or attitude of another. Empathy is essentially one ego sympathizing with another’s ego. While empathy itself may be a product of ego, we may use it to our benefit and transmute its purpose for a higher good. By using empathy as a tool for forgiveness we are using it as a stepping stone for our higher consciousness.
While empathy itself may be a form of ego we may use it as an avenue for compassion. Identifying with another’s thoughts, feelings or attitude allows us to experience the suffering they are committed to and how that suffering trickled into our life. The crimes another has committed unto us were not personal, nor in some cases purposeful. The treachery we commit is birthed from the darkest lies of mankind. These are lies in which we all invest and by exercising forgiveness we quash them for ourselves, our perpetrator, and the collective unconscious.
We pretend to withhold empathy from others because they are undeserving of it. We judge whether their actions are forgivable or not and if we deem their actions as too evil, then we do not have to show them empathy. We avoid feeling empathy for people we believe to be cruel or evil because internally we are terrified. By feeling empathy for someone who has hurt us in traumatic ways, or done things we perceive as horrifying, we are able to relate to them, feel compassion for them, and see what they have endured to become what they seem. And when we feel compassion for another we are able to feel love for them as a soul, which as a human with an ego, feels wrong. We fear that by feeling love for them we are excusing their behavior and that we are absolving them of their crimes. We are not excusing their actions but rather using empathy as a form of benevolence which bolsters our own consciousness.
The Truth is that our authentic self is pure and holy Light. All our thoughts, beliefs, and conditioning of the world are our ego self. When we refuse or withhold forgiveness we are doing so out of ego. Spirit cannot and would not, withhold love or compassion from another. Our Spirit is infinite love and is incapable of judgement. All it is capable of perceiving is the Light in others. Therefore, practicing this type of forgiveness means letting go of our ego self entirely and only seeing the purity of their soul, rather than the disfigured monster our human selves believe them to be.
When we use empathy to gain understanding for others, we can then amend it to seeing the Truth of them and the situation. And from there, real, pure, and holy forgiveness may occur.
Where The Ego May Refute
The beginning stages of this radical forgiveness may at first feel awful. You may hear rebuttals in every form or feel justified in hating some people but you must remember, every ill thought you have toward another lives in your consciousness and hinders your own growth, health, and well-being. If you desire to feel better, attract more abundance, or see vast improvements in your life, you must begin to let go of the past and anyone who has wronged you, despite how painful, by fully and completely forgiving them. This may feel horribly unjust and be extremely challenging, especially when there is heightened emotion attached. The ego will flare up in defense and thoughts and feelings of victimization and justification for our hatred will begin playing and will attempt to convince us of its reasoning. This is usually the time the “yeah buts” start.
“Yeah, but you don’t know what they did to me!”
“Yeah, but they treated me so horribly!”
Yeah, but I shouldn’t have to forgive them when I was the victim!”
This is the victim mentality of ego begging for validation. It wants you to commit to your suffering to secure its foothold in your consciousness. The more you allow your suffering a pardon, the more you will see negative manifestations in your life. Regardless of the extent or format of our suffering or the tyranny others have reigned upon you, forgiving them is essential to regain power over your life. It may feel difficult but the profound effects and shifts that occur will prove the power of the forgiveness method.
How Can I Forgive When It Hurts So Much?
In her book The Dynamic Laws of Healing, author and spiritual healer Catherine Ponder offers a powerful solution to anyone finding difficulty in forgiving our most negative relationships and encounters, stating:
“It is easier to forgive those you are inclined to condemn, resent, even hate, when you remember this: They have not really failed nor disappointed you. They have not even let you down. They may have stumbled while crossing your pathway. But in reality, they are sons of God who temporarily lost their way. If they crossed your pathway it was because they needed and wanted your blessing. They were unconsciously looking to you to be steadied and set right. Your progress has not been hindered, no matter what they did. They cannot keep your good from you.
They crossed your pathway by divine appointment, even though they seemed to hurt you for a while. When people bother you in any way, it is because their souls are trying to get your divine attention and your blessing. Give them that.”
We all cross each other’s paths with the intent to remind each other of our authentic selves. Our higher selves. We stumble into each other’s lives seemingly making mistakes, but everyone and everything has its value. When we forgive, we are able to remove our opinions and reap the rewards of the lessons for our own conscious growth and the growth of the collective unconscious.
True, deep forgiveness may take some time. We may have hatred and judgement on subconscious levels we are completely unaware of. But as you begin to forgive and persist in your forgiveness you will begin to realize just how many people you have persecuted in your mind. As they begin to surface you can simultaneously forgive and release them. If any negative thought or feeling towards another arises you can practice this and may possibly even need to revisit people who you feel you have already forgiven.
Forgiving our scariest demons means releasing them from our path, as well as releasing ourselves from the chains that bind us to them. By forgiving and letting go of our biggest assailants, we can finally break free of their stranglehold and the negative effects they emanate into our life, and renounce their power. When we see each person as the Spirit they truly are, we honor the Spirit in ourselves and transcend the victim mentality of ego. In the moment this occurs, we are officially looking at others through the lens of Spirit, rather than with our human mind.
Need a place to start? Here are some mantras to assist you in your forgiveness work:
I forgive all who I believe have slighted me, harmed me, or wronged me in any shape or form. I release and surrender them now.
I forgive myself for all ill thoughts, wishes, and words I have spoken. I forgive myself for the judgment of myself and others.
I forgive everyone, I release everyone, I surrender my fear, hatred and ill will now.
Do you have a method for forgiveness that works well for you? Feel free to share in the comments below!